Who Says You Can't Go Home?
by WriterWilf
Summary: Ten years after Finn Hudson's death. Rachel Berry-St. James has it all. A great Broadway career, a house in the Hamptons, a loving family which she loves in return. Until she discovers that her husband, Jesse St. James, is cheating on her. After the divorce, Rachel is alone and struggling to hold on. Afraid to cry in front of her daughter. Until a surprise guest drops in...


**AN: Hello there Glee fandom. **

**A lot of you probably don't recognize me. That's okay, I'm actually kind of new to the Glee fandom. So new in fact that I haven't quite seen all the available episodes in full (though fear not I have seen bits and pieces of most of them so I at least have a general idea of what goes on). Yet despite this, I am still determined to add my own little works in hopes of providing some fan-expansion of the series that has moved people across the board.**

**I'm not venturing in here to learn how to become a better writer. My style has been pretty well-developed, and I know it will improve as time goes on. My main focus right now though is to become a better storyteller. Something I have a feeling Glee will be able to help me do. **

**With that said, let's get this story started. **

**Disclaimer: Glee is not mine. Neither is the song I used in this chapter. They belong to their respective owners. I'm merely a fanfic writer. Don't sue.  
**

_Who Says You Can't Go Home?_

Chapter One: You Used To Bring Me Flowers

Rachel Berry wasn't quite sure what she should think now that the divorce, after a painstakingly long year, was over...

On one hand she was completely relieved that the divorce between her and her husband, or rather ex-husband would now be the better term, was finally official. It had been a dreadful year, one which largely consisted of her and Jesse constantly going at each other's throats. Arguing over who would be getting what once it was finalized (they ended up having to sell the house that the two of them had shared for five years, the profits being split fifty-fifty). The question of alimony had of course also been up for consideration. (In a bizarre twist it turned out that Rachel was going to have to pay alimony to Jesse. However, she felt that the judge who had made the decisions only ruled this way because it turned out he had been a major fan of hers whom she had turned down offers to date back when she was an up and coming star on Broadway.)

Luckily, Rachel still managed to keep quite a few other important items. She got to keep what money she got from selling her car- which was a model 2024 Camaro with all the latest features, including the most up to date stereo-systems and great gas mileage, seventy-four miles to the gallon. (No matter what those commentators on _FOX News_ said, Rachel Berry knew full well that climate change was a reality and every purchase she made kept that in mind.)

Most important of all though, Rachel had been granted custody of the daughter that she and Jesse had had together. They called her Barbara Quinn Berry-St. James (named after Rachel Berry's idol- Barbara Streisand) or "Barb" for short. While she had been granted custody of her child, Jesse would still be taking her whenever his schedule permitted. Which was going to be about one weekend every two months. Apparently being a big-record dance choreographer and adviser for Broadway productions was going to keep him from being able to take her like a typical divorced parent would.

She sighed as she sat down at the table in the kitchen of her apartment penthouse that she was now renting. Despite her attempts, she couldn't help but reminisce about the conditions that life had thrown her in. Even after the divorce, Rachel still had garnered quite a bit of cash from her on-Broadway performances. Among these of course was her break-out performances as well as the hit Broadway production of _Frozen_ in which she played Elsa for three years (and which she did quite magnificently in, despite the anti-Semitic critics complaining that she wasn't "white enough" to be playing the role). Still, living in a penthouse like the one she was in was different from the home that she was used to living in. Even though she was relieved when it had finally been sold, she still found herself missing it. Mainly for the memories that it contained more than anything else. She and Jesse had lived in that house for five years, ever since they got married back in 2019. A year later the two of them brought Barbara, and it all seemed as though the work they had put into getting their family started was going to pan out. A fairytale come true...

Of course, as her luck would have it, life liked to throw unexpected turmoils...

* * *

_One year ago..._

For one thing, Rachel's career skyrocketed, and it ended up keeping her away from home. She ended up missing a good chunk of life, even despite her efforts to always make sure she could be there whenever something huge happened for Barbara or Jesse. It didn't help the situation when Jesse made a name for himself as being a champion dance instructor and performance adviser. Something which not only kept him away but often ate up even more hours of what they had to spend. The stress of both of their jobs often left them both tired and frustrated, and instead of being able to spend what they had intimately they often had shouting matches and arguments. Of course, during those arguments, Jesse couldn't help but point out that he wasn't Finn Hudson and that therefore she didn't think him good enough because he was never Finn. A fact which hurt Rachel terribly, partly because it was true, and partly because she hated how Jesse could so effortlessly use the name of a former lover of hers taken as tragically as he had been without any thought of how much it would impact her. When their arguments reached this point, they were so terrible that they one time scared Barbara and ended up making her upset when she ought to have been excited and ready for her first-ever ballet recital.

Finally the last straw was drawn when Rachel found out that Jesse had been sleeping with one of the very co-stars he was training. That moment of discovery had been etched into her memory permanently. No matter how old she would get, she knew she would always remember every detail of that day. Decades from now when she was old and wrinkly she would still recall every word said between her and Jesse.

Despite her attempts not to, she couldn't help but go back to that day...

She happened to find his phone resting on their bed, he must have left it there in a hurry out the door. They had been arguing that morning, so Rachel thought she'd make up for it by taking pictures of herself with the star-app that they both loved so much. (It would take photos of their faces and set them in the center of a star. It was a ritual that the two of them had when they first started going out again. She had hoped it'd bring back old memories.) Her shock when she discovered that the phone had been left on, and horror when she saw that there were photos of another woman wrapped in bedsheets, were all too terrible.

When she later showed him the all too-incriminating evidence of his steamy affair, he didn't seem all that upset about it in the slightest. He just looked relieved. "_Nothing that can be said or done about it now,_" he had said.

"_How could you_ ?" she had asked. "_Why_? _Sure, things were terrible, but they weren't that horrible, were they_?"

"_Only so much a man can take_ ," Jesse had sighed. Then he looked away from her and out the window of their bedroom, looking at the great expanse of New York sky. "_I take it you want a divorce now_."

"_I don't want a divorce. But I don't know how I can go about living like this unless we start making some serious changes. We can't keep doing this, especially with Barb in our lives. It's not right for her to see us always arguing._ " She had then paused to let those words sink in and then continued. _"However, I can't be the only one. We both have to be willing to work together in order to make things right_."

Again, she had remained silent. It had killed her how quiet he was being. Normally he would have been jumping at any chance at making things right with her. Talking with her, reaching out to her and trying reconcile any wrong that the two of them may have done to one another. Yet she could already sense even then that things were going to be changing. Not in the way she was hoping, and if she guessed right, not from the way that he was either. "_I tried Rachel_," he said. "_I tried and I tried. You know that I did._"

As she reflected on that moment, Rachel could feel herself start to tear up. She could recall when he said those words that she was beginning to tear up then too. She could recall herself saying to him, "_I know_."

"_I just can't, not anymore Rachel. We've tried everything we could to make this work. I worked many hours in order to help build us to where we are now. I had to deal with us being nearly poor when you were first starting your career and I was just a typical dance-instructor. I agreed to let us have a Jewish wedding despite my own desire to just have a simple service, and I even agreed to let you raise our child as a Jew, even despite some of my reservations. I have made choices to help accommodate for your Broadway career so that there would be someone with Barb when you weren't around. Yet even after everything I gave, it just wasn't enough. No matter what I did, it wasn't satisfying. You still loved _ him."

"_You know I can't help that!_ " she had exclaimed. "_You knew, I told you when you asked me to marry you that I wouldn't be able to ever get over Finn. He was my first and true love._"

"_I had hoped that after being married to me, you'd eventually see me in the same way._ " He had sighed. "_I was wrong though. Clearly I'm always going to be second-best. To a man who's dead!_"

"_That's not true! I didn't choose you because you were the next best! I love you Jesse!" _

"_Really?_" he had asked her sadly. "_Can you look me in the eyes right now, and tell me even now that if he were alive, you'd be with me?_"

She had felt it was unfair for him to make her make such decisions. How could he possibly make her revisit choices she knew she had made years ago? She opened her mouth to say as such, but then stopped herself. Realizing even now as she was forming the words and looking into his eyes, that she couldn't. No matter how much she may think and believe, no matter how certain she felt she could make herself, Rachel knew she couldn't tell Jesse that had things been different, she would have chosen him. In her mind, she could briefly see an image of herself smiling at someone whose back was turned. When the person turned in her direction, she could see that it was Finn...Finn...and not Jesse.

Her heart had ached with the realization. That after all these years of convincing herself, she was still dealing with the fact that someone who had been very close to her had been taken away forever. Yet she wasn't quite ready to give up. There was still a chance to perhaps pick-up whatever broken pieces there were to this mess, even if they couldn't be put back together at least they'd still be there. "_I may love Finn, but I also love you, Jesse. Isn't that enough for you?_"

"_I love both you and Julie_," he had said to her. Julie. She realized that that was the name of the woman in the photo. "_Yet I guess you can see, there can't be room for more than two in this marriage. I may have fallen for another woman, but she's alive. Your other lover has been dead for ten years now. And while it's you whom I go to bed with every night, I can tell that it's not me whom your mind likes to think she's sharing it with._"

Rachel had frowned. _"I guess that makes things simple then. If you want to play the game of this-or-that, then I can too. You have a choice, Jesse. It's either me, or that Julie._" She spat the name like it was poison on her tongue.

"_What about you? Are you going to choose me, or are you going to choose _him?"

Rachel had stood firmly and crossed her arms over her chest. "_You know you can't make me choose between you and him. He was more than just a first lover. He's as much a part of me now as you, Barbara, my Dads, and all my other friends are. Cut him out of me, then you take a part that helps make me _whole_._"

Jesse nodded and looked down at his feet for a few moments. "_Well then, it's clear to me what your choice is now._" He then got off the bed and started heading out of their bedroom.

In a last desperate attempt to reach out to him, Rachel found herself singing a song. A Barbara Streisand song that she knew she sang with Neil Diamond.

_You don't bring me flowers_  
_You don't sing me love songs_  
_You hardly talk to me anymore_  
_When you come through the door_  
_At the end of the day_

She remembered Jesse sang the next three stanzas of the song.

_I remember when_  
_You couldn't wait to love me_  
_Used to hate to leave me _

Then they both sang...

_Now after lovin' me late at night_  
_When it's good for you_

Rachel found herself singing:

_And you're feeling alright_  
_Well, you just roll over_  
_And you turn out the light_

Then together they sang:

_You don't bring me flowers anymore_

She had then remembered singing the next set of stanzas...

_It used to be so natural_  
_To talk about forever_

She had found herself backing out of the next parts of the lyrics as Jesse sang:

_But 'used to be's' don't count anymore_  
_They just lay on the floor_  
_'Til we sweep them away_

Rachel had returned to the song, singing:

_And baby, I remember_  
_All the things you taught me_  
_I learned how to laugh_  
_And I learned how to cry_  
_Well I learned how to love_  
_Even learned how to lie_

They then both sang:

_You'd think I could learn_  
_How to tell you goodbye_  
_'Cause you don't bring me flowers_  
_Anymore_

_Well, you'd think I could learn_  
_How to tell you goodbye_  
_'Cause you don't bring me flowers_  
_Anymore _

Jesse's face softened. For a moment, Rachel had thought she had convinced him to stay. She let a slight smile form on her face. Maybe once the two of them just relaxed and calmed down, they'd be able to work things out again like they normally did.

But then Jesse's face had hardened again. All he had said was, "_I'll leave my friend Max's phone number on the fridge. If you or Barbra need anything, you can get me there in case you can't get me on my cell. I'll begin filing the papers tomorrow._" He stopped in the doorway on his way out. Rachel couldn't bring herself to look back at him. She could feel the tears springing into her eyes. Clouding her vision and causing the back of her throat to close up. Her head bent and she clenched her fists together tightly.

That's when she heard a door open further down the hall, and she could hear Barbara making her way down the hall. She turned just a little, and she could make out her daughter's faint-voice as she asked Jesse what was happening innocently. Not having any clue in the slightest that Daddy had cheated on Mommy. Having no idea that in only a matter of her day, her whole world was going to be turning upside down forever. Too young to understand why everything she knew was going to be torn apart, forever.

She had managed to pull herself together for long enough to hear Jesse say goodbye to Barb, and that he would see her again soon. After he left the house, Barbara came into the bedroom. Rachel, uncertain of what to do then, just wrapped her daughter in a hug and told her that no matter what happened, she'd always love her, and so wouldn't her father. That was all she could do for her little one, as she began to cry and sob. In between apologizing to her. And of course her daughter said that it was okay. What else could she do though? She was too young to understand what was going on completely. The only thing that she could really comprehend was that her Mommy and Daddy were fighting, and that they weren't going to be staying in the same home anymore.

That was more than enough to make Rachel cry herself to sleep that night as she held Barbara close to her. Thinking about the argument, thinking about herself, thinking about Barbara, thinking about Jesse, thinking about Finn, and about the future.

Yet as she was crying though, Rachel had felt intensely guilty. How could she, the only person who was here with Barbara, cry? How could she, when it ought to be Barbara who was crying herself to sleep? How could she possibly think she had any right to when she needed to be strong for her daughter?

From that moment, Rachel swore she'd never cry in front of her daughter again. Knowing that she'd never see her broken like this again.

* * *

A knock at the door was what pulled Rachel out of the memory.

It startled her at first. Glancing at the clock she could see that it was going past eight. Barbara had already been put to bed, after the homework had been done and a ballet practice had been completed. Typically people knew that this was around the time that Rachel herself started settling down too so that she could meet whatever challenges awaited her the next day. Which with that in mind, this could only mean two things. One, the person behind that door didn't know her all that well and therefore was a complete stranger. Or two, it was someone who knew her, and they needed something from her that was important.

She sighed as she got up from the chair. For a moment, she was actually grateful that someone was dropping in for a visit, even if the hour was a bit of an inconvenience. At least maybe it would keep her from going through having to relive that past horrible memories of the entire what she had come to call _Year of Divorce_. Grabbing her bathrobe to cover her pajamas, she made her way to the door. Once she had it all tied up, she carefully undid the lock that would allow her to open the door while there still being enough space for her to quickly slam it shut should it be someone threatening on the other side.

Gathering herself together...she carefully opened the door. Peering around the makeshift crack, she said, "Hello, who is it?"

"Me of course!" exclaimed the voice. "Who else would it be at this inconvenient hour?"

Rachel felt a smile sweep across her face. Both relief and joy started washing over her. For years now, that voice had been a rock for her. Especially during the times when she had been attending NYADA with him, when they were struggling through Finn's death, and when she and Jesse were first getting back together and during the pregnancy. And whom had been there for her during every terrible phone call she made to him as she wept about the divorce and what unknowns were in store for the future.

She unlatched the door completely and opened it. Beaming at the smiling face looking back at her, she exclaimed, "Kurt! What are you doing here?"

**AN: The song featured in this chapter is "**_**You Used To Bring Me Flowers" **_**by Barbara Streisend and Neil Diamond. Remember, I don't own that song whatsoever. I'm just using good music in this series because Glee is about the power that music brings despite backgrounds. **

**Hoping that that song was an appropriate choice. (Then again that's why I'm here. To learn how to be a better storyteller.) You probably know the routine. Reviews are always welcome. **


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